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Much of the heartache and confusion we feel in dating stems from treating dating as practice for marriage (clarity intimacy), instead of as discernment toward marriage (clarity now, intimacy later).

In dating, we often experiment with intimacy until it basically feels like marriage, and then we get married.

In a Christ-centered , those same risks do not exist.

We are together — in sickness and health, in peace and conflict, in disappointment, tragedy, and even failure — until death do us part.

The two together, without covenant promises, can be a formula for disaster in dating.

God is the greatest prize in life for any believer — at whatever age, in whatever stage of life, and whatever our relationship status.

Without promises before God, the further we walk into intimacy with another person, the further we expose ourselves to the possibility of being abandoned, betrayed, and crushed.I got lots of things wrong in dating, but as I think back over my mistakes and failures — dating too young, jumping from relationship to relationship, not being honest with myself or with others, failing to set or keep boundaries, not listening to friends and family, not prizing and pursuing purity — one error rises above the others, and in many ways explains the others: My dating relationships were mainly a pursuit of intimacy with a girlfriend, not clarity about whether to marry her. With the right heart, and in the right measure, and at the right time, these are all good desires.In my best moments, I was pursuing clarity intimacy, but in a lot of other moments, if I’m honest, I just wanted intimacy at whatever cost. God made many of us to want these things, and therefore wants us to want these things — with the right heart, in the right measure, and at the right time.Every first kiss until I kissed my wife for the first time, seconds after asking her to be my wife.Before Faye, I had let what I wanted outweigh what I knew God wanted, and what I knew was best for the girl I was dating.

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